Boyfriend

Okay, all those posts have been about the same guy, just by the way

1. kissing

2. not trusting, and then i did

i got burned

3. because then he was becoming distant

4. he broke up with me

in the most horrible way

5. i pretended it hadn't happened

.. but it still hurts

this guy and i are over. new so called "romance" ones will not be about him

Pretending

Okay, so this is a song


Pretend for me boy, tell me a story
You can pretend I wasn't hurt, you can pretend I didn't cry
That you didn't hear my whimpers and coughs.... but that would be a lie
I can pretend to not care and flirt with other boys
but deep down it still pains me so much.
to pretend..... for you
so pretend for me boy, tell me a story
of a perfect life
love neverending
of a boy and a girl
together forever

I guess forever wasn't as long as I thought it'd be....

I'm sitting here crying, pretending I'm over you
You can pretend that you cared
I hope you still feel guilty
So let's just keep pretending that we don't hate each other and are happy, not sad.
Yet the melancholy washes over me.....
as I try to pretend
try to believe this story.. try again

So pretend with me, keep this our secret
Let's hide the pain
Even though we are not together, together we can always....
pretend

Breaking Point

I can’t believe it
The words spewing from your mouth
A call?No, I didn’t receive it
Not even a message
Not one word from you

Instead I get your friend asking me to break up with you

Because you don’t share the feelings anymore

What does that mean?

I was shocked

I didn’t know just what to do

So I called

No one picked up the phone

I hear there’s a party

Is that what you call playing Call of Duty alone?

I thought my eyes deceived me

This couldn’t be how it was going to end

We were so perfect

I guess I just didn’t read the signs

I was in my own world

Which I thought was our world

I guess I was wrong

You are better then this

There’s no need to make me cry

I am a big girl

Break-ups are common

Everything fizzles out in the end

It’s not that huge a deal

Breathe Carly, just breathe…

Yet then the fateful ring

My phone buzzing in my lap

Your name showing up on my screen

I swallow hard, click okay

Say hey

What do you want?

All you can say is sorry.

My vision is blurred

I started to cry.

Whimpering, sneezing, coughing, shuddering

I was sickly and upset, brokenhearted through and through

I say it really hurt me

That we’re over, I’m not turning back.

Tears are streaming down my face

Look what you have done!

I hope you feel horrible

You draw me in with sweet words like:

“Don’t cry. You’re beautiful”

If this is how you feel,

Why did we just break up?

You just don’t care anymore.

Even had the audacity to say to my face:

“I went out with you because I didn’t want to hurt you”

You just blasted me into oblivion

Are you trying to tear me apart?

I felt so guilty

For being so mean

When you say all those things like

“You’re amazing”

Then I hear I’m a pity date.

I hope you rot in hell.

Hear my screams

Crying out in anguish

Listen, I can hardly talk

I have to go

I can’t listen anymore.

This is way too hard

I’m hardly keeping myself together

So I just say bye

Turn off the phone

Hold it to my chest,

And cry alone.

You

You. I feel like you're not caring... and all my friends are suddenly talking to you, and pushing their greasy lips up against your sweet ear. I can't stand it. I can hardly speak to you. My stomach flip flops over and churns as fast and roughly as waves. My eyes burn into the back of your head. My lips speak tongues of the devil. Yet when you turn, a smile tugs at my mouth and I wrap my arms around you carefully. Once I let go and am gone, the pain seeps back in. Or more, crashes back onto me, almost taking me down. You know who you are. Don't you dare play me.

Tears

Tears running rampant through the crevices of my face; I'm powdering this mask just to make you smile. I'm shouting out I love you, saying it to the world. You're not speaking, only standing there. Smiling, maybe? You just spit into my face, I run away this is too upsetting now. Wiping it away with the ragged strings of my heart, do you know what you are doing? The little smiles and spoken words, the tender hugs and sweet kisses have disappeared.

Each little wisp of blue mascara; painting my face to support your team. Cheering loudly, smiling broadly. My friends are teasing and I am glowing. Until I look at you.
That cute friend of yours is chatting you up, you are telling those girls how talented they are. I twinge with jealousy, filled with hurt.

But I just pull my hat down to hide this frown.

I love you, I'll say it again. But I don't know how much longer and can deal with you melting away,.. running away,... just like those dripping tears, pulling makeup off my face.
My face is soaked, my tears are running clear blue. The mask is unpainted, this time not for you!
I want you. I love you. Can't you see it now?
Maybe I am going crazy, maybe I'm overreacting. I. don't. know. I am slowly pushing my way off the bench, crossing through the crowd

People are staring as I'm running, the fleece clinging to my skin. I'm pushing my way onto the field, I need to kiss you again.

I don't even take time to tap your shoulder. I am only turning you around and pulling you close by the hem of your jersey, pressing your cold lips to mine.

We're all caught up in a fiery embrace, my eyes are closed and the tears have stopped running.

I keep my eyes closed, breathing slowly. Not worried about a thing.

Everything that had gone wrong, every misspoken word and awkward hug is pushing its way out of my head. This is now, everything is now, I am living now.

So I hold you tighter and bury my head into you. Tears are still bleeding out, but many of them are full of joy, I don't care about the problems anymore.

Even though I know we'll still have problems, even though that girl in the short skirt is still going to try and kiss you, I've found that I can do the one thing I thought I never could:

Trust

Writing

It used to fall out of me; I couldn't hold each word in.
Now they're slipping away from me, I am grasping the air and trying to pull them back.
I am forcing them onto pages and pushing them out into the open.
The writing has stopped coming fluidly. It has stopped showing up in my head.
I feel pressured to write because that's what I've been known for my whole life.
But it's just not in me anymore. I just can't spit anything onto the paper that is worth even reading. Every poem ending up crinkled into a ball and missing the trashcan. Every story put into spam after the first reading.

I feel useless. Like the one thing precious to me and worth being known for is gone. I am selfish; I'm not going to pretend. I have a need to be special. But I don't think I deserve getting my heart taken away. The writing was the only way I've ever expressed things. But it's just not possible anymore. I am sorely disappointed. Because the words have stopped seeping through the corners.

The oasis has disappeared.

Kissing

Kissing you it's like the world is spinning

I'm lifted off the ground

I can feel the earth slipping from under my feet

I dare to open my eyes, we're so many thousand feet into the air

I'm holding on tighter; don't let me go

My mind is whirling

My lips are burning

My breathes been taken away<3

You hold me close, our lips now not touching

It's magic.

No wands, spells, potions or powers

Just me and you

It's that amazing

It's that fantastic

Just me and you.

MASKS

I don't think people change

I think they find new masks along the road, trying them on

sometimes they cover up better

others do not

Sometimes I want to rip that mask off your face

But after a while it's not a mask

and I almost start crying

I'd been waiting for you to take it off

but I guess now I'm waiting for the next mask

to cover up the real you another time

I wonder what happens when you have that many masks on your face

hopefully I'll find out

but maybe they'll all never come off

well, I didn't like you in the first place.

Water

Life is a little bit like water, slipping in and out of your hands. You are never in control. You just have to decide whether to push against the current or go with it. It is your choice on which way to swim.

Maturity vs. Mathematics

I am only 13 years old. I am in 7th grade. But I just finished the course of Algebra I intensified. Is it right to judge on grade level or brain power? I can say I am smart enough for the next classes, but I do not want to be judged as a 16 year old. It is a never ending war.