Tears

Tears running rampant through the crevices of my face; I'm powdering this mask just to make you smile. I'm shouting out I love you, saying it to the world. You're not speaking, only standing there. Smiling, maybe? You just spit into my face, I run away this is too upsetting now. Wiping it away with the ragged strings of my heart, do you know what you are doing? The little smiles and spoken words, the tender hugs and sweet kisses have disappeared.

Each little wisp of blue mascara; painting my face to support your team. Cheering loudly, smiling broadly. My friends are teasing and I am glowing. Until I look at you.
That cute friend of yours is chatting you up, you are telling those girls how talented they are. I twinge with jealousy, filled with hurt.

But I just pull my hat down to hide this frown.

I love you, I'll say it again. But I don't know how much longer and can deal with you melting away,.. running away,... just like those dripping tears, pulling makeup off my face.
My face is soaked, my tears are running clear blue. The mask is unpainted, this time not for you!
I want you. I love you. Can't you see it now?
Maybe I am going crazy, maybe I'm overreacting. I. don't. know. I am slowly pushing my way off the bench, crossing through the crowd

People are staring as I'm running, the fleece clinging to my skin. I'm pushing my way onto the field, I need to kiss you again.

I don't even take time to tap your shoulder. I am only turning you around and pulling you close by the hem of your jersey, pressing your cold lips to mine.

We're all caught up in a fiery embrace, my eyes are closed and the tears have stopped running.

I keep my eyes closed, breathing slowly. Not worried about a thing.

Everything that had gone wrong, every misspoken word and awkward hug is pushing its way out of my head. This is now, everything is now, I am living now.

So I hold you tighter and bury my head into you. Tears are still bleeding out, but many of them are full of joy, I don't care about the problems anymore.

Even though I know we'll still have problems, even though that girl in the short skirt is still going to try and kiss you, I've found that I can do the one thing I thought I never could:

Trust

Writing

It used to fall out of me; I couldn't hold each word in.
Now they're slipping away from me, I am grasping the air and trying to pull them back.
I am forcing them onto pages and pushing them out into the open.
The writing has stopped coming fluidly. It has stopped showing up in my head.
I feel pressured to write because that's what I've been known for my whole life.
But it's just not in me anymore. I just can't spit anything onto the paper that is worth even reading. Every poem ending up crinkled into a ball and missing the trashcan. Every story put into spam after the first reading.

I feel useless. Like the one thing precious to me and worth being known for is gone. I am selfish; I'm not going to pretend. I have a need to be special. But I don't think I deserve getting my heart taken away. The writing was the only way I've ever expressed things. But it's just not possible anymore. I am sorely disappointed. Because the words have stopped seeping through the corners.

The oasis has disappeared.

Kissing

Kissing you it's like the world is spinning

I'm lifted off the ground

I can feel the earth slipping from under my feet

I dare to open my eyes, we're so many thousand feet into the air

I'm holding on tighter; don't let me go

My mind is whirling

My lips are burning

My breathes been taken away<3

You hold me close, our lips now not touching

It's magic.

No wands, spells, potions or powers

Just me and you

It's that amazing

It's that fantastic

Just me and you.

MASKS

I don't think people change

I think they find new masks along the road, trying them on

sometimes they cover up better

others do not

Sometimes I want to rip that mask off your face

But after a while it's not a mask

and I almost start crying

I'd been waiting for you to take it off

but I guess now I'm waiting for the next mask

to cover up the real you another time

I wonder what happens when you have that many masks on your face

hopefully I'll find out

but maybe they'll all never come off

well, I didn't like you in the first place.